I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Bring me that man meat
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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