I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
