Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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