Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
