no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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