Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
