no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
