I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
