I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
