your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
