got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
