I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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