i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
