I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
