So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
