She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
