Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
