If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
