she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
