for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
