his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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