eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
