Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You're like the curious george of whores
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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