PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
