Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
