what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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