I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
