he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
