ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
