Will you blow on my dice?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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