there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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