You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
