It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
