so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
