I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
