He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just invented taco cereal.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
