i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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