He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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