I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
