i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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