I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
