So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
