my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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