God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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