just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
