I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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