Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
