hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
