Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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