We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
