I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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