no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize