***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We had to coat check the pizza.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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