They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
