I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
