There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
