I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
