i can't believe i had my finger in that
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I could fuck to npr.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
