new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
