does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
