Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
