If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize