Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
