Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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