He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
