Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
