im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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