I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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