i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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