go do what you do best...puke behind churches
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
