i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
