how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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