well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
