Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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